GOP CANDIDATES CREATE A COALITION TO PROTECT TEHIR COLLECTIVE INTERESTS

After the notorious CNBC debate last week, the front runners in the GOP race for the presidency decided that they had taken enough abuse from the media and collectively decided to take back what they believe is their unalienable rights as presidential candidates. Majority of the candidates in the race decided that to combat what they saw was a major injustice committed against them, they will create a group that looks out for the common interests of the members to make sure that events, like the most recent debate, will never happen again.

“Enough is enough,” says candidate and former HP CEO Carly Fiorina at a press conference yesterday “We will no longer be taken advantage of while major news outlets use us to make millions of dollars. What kind of evil group would do that to another human being?”

Mike Huckabee, former Arkansas governor, piped in with agreement. “The way that the news media has been treating us is despicable. They initially wanted to make the debate run for three hours! Those working hours are horrendous and no person should have to tolerate such harsh conditions.” 

John Kasich giggled, “If they are going to make us work for that long, they should at least give us health care!” This line was met with hearty chuckles from all the candidates at the press conference.

After the laughter simmered down, Ben Carson looked around with an inquisitive look on his face. “…Wait, that’s actually not a bad idea. Do you think we could put that in our demand letter?”

Rand Paul nodded. “While we’re at it, can we request for longer breaks? My feet get tired after standing for so long.”

“I want a snack break too!” Shouted New Jersey governor Chris Christie.

“I think what my colleagues and I are trying to say is that all of us up here are humans, and we deserve respect and dignity when we go to work everyday. We aren’t animals, and therefore I don’t think we should have to work like one.” Inquired Senator Marco Rubio.

A reporter from the audience raised her hand to ask a question.

“So are you basically trying to say that the GOP candidates are trying to form a union?”

This question was met by silence and glares from all the candidates, until finally Donald Trump found the courage to speak.

“Shut your mouth, you fucking commie.”

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