WASHINGTON DC - Earlier this month in light of the resignation of former house speaker John Boehner’s resignation, the GOP has been scrambling to find a new leader for their majority in the house of representatives. After hearing that the position was once again unoccupied, Paul Ryan, Former Mitt Romney running mate, became giddy with anticipation that the seat might be his in the future.
“After hearing that he could have a chance at the position, he squealed and sent me a text with a bunch of heart emojis,” said a close friend. “He has dreamt of being the speaker for years, but the position was with that Boehner guy for so long that Paul thought that he could only have the job in his dreams.”
Upon several suitors for the positions being turned away, Ryan decided that he was going to run, but only after seeing if all the Speaker’s friends thought that he would be good for the job. To test the waters, he made about a dozen notes with the title “Do u lyk me??” and hand delivered them to each of the sessions being held in the nation’s capital.
“It was the strangest thing,” said a congressman sitting on one of the GOP committees. “We were going on as we usually do and all of the sudden we see Paul Ryan scamper in the hall, place a folded note on the leader’s desk, and then run back out while quietly giggling. We’ve never seen the congressman so bubbly before.”
Of course like any person with a secret infatuation, Mr. Ryan has been playing it cool when confronted with the question of whether he wants the position or not. “He is really excited, but wants to play hard to get so it doesn’t look like he’s too eager.” a source tells us.
Later, after he got voted in by 236 of the members of the house, Paul Ryan can be seen talking about the Speaker of the House position 24/7, blushing when anyone brings it up to him, and even updated his Instagram bio to read “PR+SOTH 10/29/15 <3″