INTRODUCTION

VIN'S TWO CENTS

May 10 2013
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By Vincent Chavez
group

We may look happy in the picture (our first staff photo of the year), but it wasn’t all sunshine, daisies, and butter mellows this year. We’ve had to deal with features falling through, low open meeting turnouts, and sometimes leaving the office at 5am on Sundays. But by far the darkest moment this year was during a contentious title brainstorm for the Meltdown Comics feature. We were all shouting at each other: 

“The feature is about nerd culture!” 

“You weren’t even there for the interview; it’s about mom and pop businesses.” 

“Well, your opinion is invalid because you’re a squat-assed bitch.” 

It was vicious. Afterwards I was shaking. All I could think was, “I have never in my life yelled at a girl like this.” 

We may have fought this year, but I love all the crazy bastards in that photo and I wouldn’t trade them for anything. None of them. Well, except Rose. No tea no shade, that trick is a hoe pho show. Nah, I’m just teasing; Rose is arguably the hardest working person in this office. And naturally I would tease my replacement. Did I mention Rose Feduk is the new Editor-in-Chief?! Well, she is.  So I’ve been making her life a living hell to prepare her for the hardships of the job. It’s like when my big brother punched me in the face every day for a year. He was teaching me how to be tough just in case he died and I would have to replace him as the eldest Chavez boy. 

As for me, I’m graduating. I’ll be long gone and forgotten within weeks. But don’t cry for me. One, I’m already dead. And two, I couldn’t be happier because I left this paper in better shape than when I found it. Anyways, this is suppossed to be a celebration. We crowned our short story winners, so go somewhere quiet, turn to page 10, and escape your stressful college life for few precious moments. Because it’ll be over before you know it. Oh god, why am  I sobbing? 

THANK YOU
Our Readers

Lovely Jams contestants

Gabe’s mom 

Duong Vuong

Meltdown Comics

Sylvana

Sylvana Learning Center

Experimental design 

No mames, güey

Lil’ Mamacita

Apple Juice

John & Jon

Long Johnsons/Don Pianos

1st Semester Brianne

King Farts

Fergalicious

Ashy-kneed, Stanky-legged Gypsies

Dic Magazine

Mom’s Spaghetti 

Boy penis kissing a girl penis

Stink fart

Honkies

Beyonce

Feminism

Sprinkles Cupcakes

Jelly Roll Scrolls

Scrotes

Men Who Stare at Scrotes

Goats

Cartoon Network on Netflix

Summah Girls

RuPaul’s Drag Race

Alyssa Edwards

Hibbies

Peace Pipe Johnson

Piston’s Bar

Docking

Rango

Bland Chicken Dijon

Ratassball

Lana Del Ray

Living Single theme song

Queef LaQueefa

Kwanza Quences

Dean’s Pizza

The Duchess (for being a friend)

Iguana Kelly’s

Sean Paul

Dungeons & Dragons

Wigs/Weaves

FUCK YOU 

Office Printer

Team JAD

Campus Skateboarders

Spotify ads

Swag enthusiasts

Jazz

Daily 49er

Penis sucking another penis

#hashtag

Scrotum bracelets

2nd Semester Brianne 

Gabe’s knee

Mitt Romney

Homophobia

Stories about Alison Ernst

F. King Alexander

Squat-Asses

Jazz

Toilet seat pissers

Nathan “I need time to find myself” Cruz

Butt-Chuggers

Juggers

Yu-gi-oh players (for leaving their garbage)

Garbage Queens 

The Administration

Brolos

Gabe Furrurri 

Panda Express

Jazz

Stinky Fridges

Coffee Mold

Dildo

Bland Chicken Dijon

Lana Del Rey

Coco Montrese

My Bowels

Eating 2 or more Carl’s Spicy Chickens

Hobo Harris

Frats

Farewell season of The Office

Coachella

Sean and Zent

Basic-ass Muggles

Depression
Last Updated on Friday, 10 May 2013 01:17